none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
