so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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