Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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