Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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