i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Boobs speak an international language.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i believe in u and ur pee
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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