Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She said her name was "party"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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