before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize