I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
