The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
