My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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