are you still at the devil's house?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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