I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
