saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
