What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize