Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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