is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
