you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
