theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
