Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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