Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
