Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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