ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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