I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
