If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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