i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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