Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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