All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
