You made me cry and you don't even care
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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