Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
