he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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