Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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