You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
