i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize