I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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