mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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