if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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