Your dad touched me again.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
