I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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