We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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