Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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