Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
