And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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