just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
