Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
