Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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