Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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