So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
