Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
