i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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