What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
