Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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