I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
