she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
