I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
