Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
did i just pee glitter
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
