I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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