dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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