The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
