my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
