You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
