you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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