its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize