I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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