I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
