i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
