dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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