Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
