I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Randomize
