By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
