and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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