I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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