dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
