I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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