An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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