how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize