Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
