Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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