yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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