Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
