im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i jhust puked up my retainher.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize
