Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
