Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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