I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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