STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
