Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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