Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
