I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
