Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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