Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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