hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
