Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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