I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
