Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
