I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
