I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
