and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
