she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
