Where is the hickey?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
