How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
