This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize