oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
