I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
