the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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